onward

So, it's been awhile.

It's been awhile because I've been going through a lot. A summary:

Running: Obviously, the last couple of posts have shown an extreme amount of frustration. But, the bloodbath is over, and I'm weaning myself, after 5.5 weeks (because that's all I could last, instead of 8 weeks) back into running. I'm doing about 4 miles on average every three days, except I ran tonight and ran last night, and I'M SO SORE! It's sad. Well, it's sad in the amazing point of view: in February I did a 26 mile run and was happy, felt good, and was over it within 12 hours. Now, a mere 5 weeks later, I'm doing 4 mile runs and am talking myself into walking down stairs. The body is simply a complete conundrum.

Work: I have resigned from my current job and accepted a new position at a very awesome arch/land arch/interior/graphic/product office extrodinaire. My first task, after learning the culture, history, and contact database, is to fill in for someone who has been there for 12 years while she is on maternity leave. Then I get to write a marketing plan. Challenge? Yes. Opportunity? HELL yes. Murky areas? Yes. Growth opportunity? Yes. Networking? Going to explode. Scared? OMG yes.

Boys: W & I keep seeing each other. There is no explanation for this other than the chemistry still exists, even after all the turmoil. I kick myself and at the same time feel like I love him. It's something I don't fully understand.

Savings: improving. All the time. I am so fortunate.

Gardening: Well, I did not get into the gardening program I wanted to be in, but have taken a few gardening classes in the meantime, and my little strip of garden is doing rather well. It's been remarkable seeing the annual plants come back, and event plants that shouldn't be annuals come back. Seed propagation has resulted in cosmos, marigolds, basil, dill, parsley, strawberries, and I think even some cauliflower to flourish. We have this purple cauliflower that is so beautiful and gorgeous it's hard to pick in the garden right now. I took some pictures; I'll try to post those sometime soon. I should add a bunch of stuff to my flickr account.

Hmm, what else.

I'm happier. That's good. And I've always lived by the motto that I need to be happy, no matter what. So it seems I'm on track.

I'll try to be more frequent. I think I'm coming out of a funk.

Ugh

This morning as I walked into work I had to keep repeating to myself, over and over, "postive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts."

It better not be this kind of week. Or else I'm just going to not come into work.

focus

All of a sudden, I am inspired to focus on my professional growth. I've started brainstorming how to put my portfolio together. I'm going to take another graphic design course at one of the great art colleges in the area. I'm actually enjoying a networking website - Linked In is pretty cool. I'm finding a lot of professional contacts through that.

Irony: I'm posting this blog from work.

cha-ching

Tomorrow I have a review with the job. This comes at a perfect time for me because I am increasingly questioning my role in my office - is it relevant, am I doing anything, where is this going, blah blah blah. Where should I go next. School. New industry. Craiglist. Monster. Career builder. Ahhhhhh! Oh my!

The main gist (for me) of this review is to find out what some of my goals should be, in the eyes of the boss. I was thinking, "well, what are my own goals" and in all honesty, I am having a hard time coming up with realistic ones. I suppose one goal would be to have our work on par with some of the landscape starchitects - I'm not naming names for googling purposes. But, that goal is countered because I really don't think that under my boss' leadership, the firm will be there. I feel like some of the other designers in our office have the potential to take it there - but that's years away, and we don't even have a succession plan!

argh. And then of course there is the salary issue. And then my personal issues relating to salary issues. I can basically make $20,000 - $25,000 more per year doing an equivalent job, both in and out of this industry.

WOW!

But, that's not realistic here where I work b/c we're smaller and etc. And I've invested myself in the office. And I feel as if maybe I'm not the best time utilizer sometimes so I don't necessarily need to ask for that big of a raise. And, I should note, I won't be asking for that large of a jump - but I would like to try to meet somewhere in the middle, or at least get some more vacation out of the deal.

Ugh. Well. I'll try to let you know how it goes tomorrow. I'm sure things will work out fine - I mean, that's the way life goes anyway right? No matter what happens, whatever happens next will be a change, and for me (at least in my perspective) change typically equals better things.

discombobulated

I. Can't. Concentrate. It's. Getting. Ridiculous.

I mean, what the fuck is going on with my brain? I literally can't stick to one thing for more than three minutes. I'm not getting any work done (granted, I made a list and there's almost nothing on it for me to do...but then again, maybe i'm just ignoring something really important?). Ugh. I hate days like this. Actually, this day seems to just be a continuation of last week. Last week had no focus, no real meaning. Today, at least after 7:20 am when I left W's place, also has no focus or meaning. All I've done is write hackneyed sentences for a project description, gone through the email, did my time sheet for last week (a total sham, by the way) and wrote that short list of things to do. And I've been here for 3 hours now.

Perhaps I *can* attribute some of this behavior to the fact that I've been thinking a lot about whether or not I want to change jobs. But then into what? Stay in this industry? Move to another? Go back to school? Ask for more vacation so I can take crazy days? Move to the east coast? Become a beach bum?

texas

woo i am in texas. well, i will only be here thru tomorrow and then back to l.a. man i miss home. miss the cat. miss running. miss swimming. miss my tomatos. my concrete floor. my blue bike. running. running running running. man, the last three weeks i think i have only been out three times. a travesty. i feel like i've gained 10 pounds. ick. i fee ick. like icky ick. and moody. damn, so moody. it's the not running and sweating and having my muscles be all warm and tingly for an hour.

anyway, texas is nice. have only explored central city - but at least i've explored it thouroughly. many pics. i will get the flickr updated soon, i should get the professional account up on that so i can add many more pics.

the riverwalk is nice, but totally touristy. i thought it may have a more local flavor to it but alas. it doesn't. but, when one strays from the river walk and goes amongst the local areas where there are no tourist, it is nice. the people who live here are super nice as well. i have been in so many conversations with random strangrs I can't count them anymore.

also, my presentation went smashingly well.