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Ooooooooooooo. Ooooooooooooooo. Ooooooooooooooo. I want so bad. I want so bad. SO BAD!!! This property was across the street from my apartment in K-TOwn and I loved it. They had started the renovation when I was just leaving the old place, it appears to be done. Ooooooooo. I want so bad.

Unit #3. You can see it on the site plan!

They are $575,000. Ouch. If I could talk them down to maybe $525,000 then with a 30 year mortgage the monthly payments (and I'm WAY oversimplifying this) would be $1458. The HOA fee was $283, and the monthly property tax was $83, so that's $1824.

IF ONLY I HAD A HUSBAND or SIGNIFICANT OTHER to live with, this could TOTALLY BE DONE. BUT I'M SINGLE. I don't think that I could do it. Say I got a new job with a salary of $80,000 (that's my new asking price...yikes). THEN I might be able to make this work, but I'd be pouring a lot of money into the living situation. BUT...I'd be living there!

Hmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmm.

Of course, the market is still supposed to go down. The listing for this place has been up for 110 days, according to Redfin. So that may mean the seller should lower soon???

Maybe I'll request a tour and an appointment. Then they'll know I'm interested. That I WANT to bite.

I'm so hungry for a home.

vote

I voted today, did you? Check out your voting place a LA Vote. If you've changed your address from the last time you move, you'll need to re-register.

I had to re-register today - I voted provisionally - and I have officially switched to the Democratic party! Today, in the primary, I still voted Republican, but during the presidential election I can vote true to party once again.

I only half-get the reasoning behind limiting your voting in the primaries to your political party. You'd think it would be an interesting thing to track what dems voted pubs and what pubs voted dems. I guess if you're indy then you can vote indy or dems, but you couldn't vote pubs. Hmm. It's all mixed up. I did put my vote in for the lesser of the pubs evil...Romney for me, but man my heart wasn't in it. I almost skipped voting, but then at least my vote is going towards someone I could mildly be interested in. I wish I could have voted for Obama though! Hopefully next time...

whoa.

Well, I'm mailing off about $850 in bills today, $100 of that includes the registration fee for the three month master gardening program. Guess I'm in that for good now - well, if I'm accepted. If I'm not accepted they better send me back my freaking $100.

At least tax time is nigh, and that will mean some type of refund. It will be welcome, especially with the imminent trip to New York at the end of February and the fact that I'll also be purchasing tickets to Coachella tomorrow. At least it is only a one-day pass.

After this, I think my major beginning-of-the-year expenses are all taken care of. The only real thing I forsee spending some money on are some new clothes for the spring/summer (the majority of the ones I have now are pushing 7-8 years old, and they've had very steady wear).

whee!

Things I've Done:
Registered for my third L.A. Marthon
Cleaned the floors in apt.
Watered plants
Took down Christmas
Lot's of work for work
Hung new curtains
Bought new rugs
Made all returns and purchases
Gym once a week
Dropped pants off to be hemmed
Have seen friends more often
Dentist appointments
Made eye appointment

Things to Do:
Get ready for typography class
Register for gardening program already
Start helping M with our garden
Laundry
Update computer so I can use the new nano
Get new pedicure
Research things in New York
Job hunt options

So far, all in all, a successful year. Things are chugging away smoothly. Almost too smoothly. I think I've decided to take the dive into the L.A. County Common Grounds Gardening Program. It starts the day before the marathon and continues through the end of May.

This means every Saturday from March 1 - May 31st is given up from 9:00am to 4:00pm. It seems like a giant committment, on top of my typography class and SMPS volunteer duties. BUT - at least I will not have to worry about training runs. I have a feeling that come June 1st I may have to plan a massive party to celebrate that I'll have my Saturday's back. Perhaps that massive party should take place on Catalina Island followed by those damn surf lessons.

I have the application on my desk today and am going to fill it out; this reminds me to check in with F, a lovely lady I met at a party who was also planning on doing this. I've hung out with her twice now and I think she'll make the program a really great experience to go through; we'll at least have each other, plus I'll probably meet a lot of other people.

This program will also require community service after it is done, so that is good - I've been meaning to start working that in to my life, so this is perfect.

Okay - well here goes! Gardening, I am making you a priority once again!

fresh

New Year, New Year, New Year! I know it's cheesy but the New Year always holds so much symbolism for me.

I have much to report, altho much of it may only be reported via my flickr page, which I should have updated with all kinds of fun and lovely photos soon.

In the meantime: Resolutions.
1. reconnect, renew, and refresh relationships
2. more swimming and yoga
3. learn to fucking surf already
4. save more money
5. learn as much as possible
6. get to my gym at least once a week if I'm going to keep the membership

Let's see how I do!

love

jingle

Well, despite everything, life moves along.

The cold has cleared up, thanks in large part the copious amounts of Zicam gel I swabbed into my nose 4 or 5 times each day and the comfort food I ate (barley soup, mac'n'cheese, ice cream).

I'm finding that I am totally accepting of the W's & my break-up. It just makes total sense. That doesn't mean I don't miss him tho. Last night I was driving home from my first holiday party of the season and a little doodle he had made on one of car windows in the steam showed up. I found myself smiling and laughing to myself. I picked up the phone can called him; left a message. He never called back tho, which is sort of infuriating. My message was simple "Hi. Was just thinking about you. Hope you are well and are having a good week. I'm okay, let's talk and be friends" and so on.

This morning I was checking through some other blogs I read and this was a recent post on "Greek Tradgedy" She's an awesome lady who's blog I've been following for maybe 2-3 years now. Anway...the entire post obviously speaks to me right now.

I particularly enjoyed "Deck them along with your halls". While I do not want to "deck" him one, I will certainly try to "deck" the associated feelings and gear up for my own holiday (the fifth one in as many years!!!) this Saturday.

I do hope he calls back though. I want him to know that I still want him around and to occasionally maybe grab a drink or something. I still have that odd feeling of wanting to make sure he goes after the one he loves, but I sort of want to support him in that process.

All of that said (and this counters with EVERYTHING I talk about in this post) part of me does want to fight him to let him know that he should keep me. That's kind of an awkward way to say it, but it's true.

Ah well. Jingling on. Party this weekend. Have a lot of work to do to get everything ready. I will try to focus only on that and finishing up my shopping.

headcase

I am seriously having some problems. I am constantly annoyed at something, ready to pissed off at someone or something, or feeling listless and uncommunicative or unsure about myself. I feel as if there is one thing out there that is going to make me pop. I have no idea what that is though, and I'm getting a little worried. What will happen when I pop? Why can't I find anything to diffuse this?

Spoke with the sister last night and her theory is that the Pill is still bothering my system. She said it drove her into depression, and she felt the same way I'm describing things.

Ugh. I don't want to not be on the pill though. It's such a safety net, and I feel much more secure about the issue of possible pregnancy when I know I am doing my part. I just don't trust anything else as much as the pill. Further more, my skin has just finally calmed itself down. Going off probably wouldn't do much, but GOD FORBID I ever get back on again.

I've shared these feelings with the GYN and they say nothing or can give no support. How is that possible!?!?!? They are the nincompoops prescribing me this medication, you'd think they would know the side effects inside and out. They can offer no support, no solutions, no anything. Altho I suppose one solution is celebicy. BUT FUCK! I don't want to live a celibate life.

I guess another is to tie the tubes, but I do want kids at some point.

Maybe I am just getting antsy about the world and state of my life. There is no change. Things seem monotonous. I interpret this as such a shame...because I'm not married, I don't have kids, I'm essentially responsible for no one else but myself...you'd think I'd be having a great time.

But then I keep thinking that there has to be something more to life than what I have. And when I have that thought, my mind inexplicably turns towards marriage. Having children. Having a home that is mine and is not rented.

And then the frustration builds even more. I get annoyed. I'm annoyed that I'm getting annoyed. Running is helpful for the thinking, because the more I think the more I am annoyed and the harder I run...but running won't solve things.

ecomologicalism

just got back from the neighborhood mandrake. yummy greyhounds. they add rosemary which is brilliant, altho i think the rosemary tonight was a bit old so i had to tear it up to get some flavor. am more than a bit tipsy.

got home and ate cheese, crackers, butter, and eggs. and peach juice. yummy dinner.

will run in the morning. and then on thursday. oh. wait. no class on thursday so maybe i'll sleep tomorrow morning and then run in the wednesday and thursday evening and then swim friday. woo. no class. that means i should get cracking on the homework thrusday after the run.

i have to choose one letter and one number and combine them to form shape and postive/negative space. Perhaps I should get W's perspective. He'll be a good one to ask.

allergies. ugh. my nose is an itch factory

tucker just came in. he's so meowy lately. when i get home he's meowing away like no one's business. so needy. and he has two people. and i'm not really ever away. has he gotten needy? do i have a needy cat? oh no.

just picked him up to do some nuzzling. he was in the bathtub a few minutes ago because his belly, nose, and feet were all damp. ick. oh well. i took a shower after getting home and eating that smorgasborg of food.

shower was amazing. felt like a boticelli subject. that's all i need to say.

am wiggling in my seat with damp cat and listening to a remix of a silversup pickup song.

beautiful. gorgeous. perfect. too bad no man for sex tonight. well maybe shower was enough.

die

My office has been infiltrated by roaches, flies, crickets, spiders, and now termites. Why won't our office manager do anything about this, like ask the landlord to provide extermination services? She feels bad for the bugs. FUCKING BUGS. DIE BUGS DIE.

This morning on my run (guilt-free morning) I was side-swiped by a car. He only missed me b/c I had an adreneline rush and sprinted past him. He still managed to clip my right leg though with the passenger side front corner of his car. Here's what happened. I'm on my way back, so it's light already. Am wearing light gray pants and white top. I get ready to cross an intersection that has four way stops. As I enter, I see the car pulling up, and Dude is looking in my direction, so I assume he's going to stop for a) the stop sign and b) for me. Instead, he doesnt. After he clips me and hears the string of VERY loud swear words emanate from my mouth he goes "I didn't see you" and I notice he is covered in his coffee, and a middle-aged salesman type looking guy who may be having a heart attack. On the one hand, I was way pissed, because, you know, he almost hit me. On the other, I immediately felt sorry for him because he was just so oblivious in the morning. Is every morning like that for him? I'd hate to be oblivious every morning. Sigh.

Also, the peaches I bought at the market molded, all four of them, last night. That was a sad loss. Fucking mold.

Work has been atrociously boring this week.

...and so life goes on.

past

This morning, I found a little bit of my past. I was looking for my sunglass case, and remembered that I last used it when I went to the beach, so it was probably in my backpack. I store my backpack on the top shelf in my closet, and it sits on top of what I call my "business bags" - those black, over the shoulder lap-top sized soft briefcase things.

As I pull my backpack down to get the case out of it, I notice a little thing flutter down and land on the lower shelf. I look at it, and it's an old sticker. An old sticker of two little bears sitting next to each other. A sticker from when I used to obsess over stickers - and this was one of my favorite ones.



Where did these little guys come from? How did they get up there (presumably) between my backpack and business bags? I've not seen this for YEARS! The only thing up there that even has stickers on it is my flute case, and that is separated from the bags by my computer box.

Anyway. It made me pause and recollect all those memories. My mom gave me this sticker. I hardly ever used them (for some reason, I like to keep my stickers the way I bought them and never really actually *used* them, weird, eh?).

Made me happy.

eat

I think one of the reasons I run so much is that I eat so much. I'm not kidding. I love food. I live to eat.

Was talking with W the other night and he's like "yeah, I barely eat at all." I raise my eyebrows. What? How can that be, I wonder. I push further - "you don't eat?" "Not really, like today all I had was this sandwich, right now, and those wings and some of that salad earlier." And the beer we drank, of course. Maybe he just lives off beer calories?

I, on the other hand, would rather live off cheese calories. Ice cream calories. Sushi calories. MUFFIN calories, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Muffins.

Today, I met all of those objectives. Well, I've not met the cheese calorie objective yet, but that will be done soon. Muffin in the morning. Sushi and wine for lunch (yes, I went wild and ordered a wonderful glass of Mondavi Flume Blanc to go with my sushi, yum!), and I just finished a (small, at least) bowl of ice cream. Plenty of water in between. But, I mean - think about this. Muffin. Coffee. Wine. Sushi - and miso, edamame, salad, salmon. Ice Cream. Soon to be cheese.

Not a light day, to say the least.

Which is part of the reason why I'll run 6+ miles and go swimming for an hour each day. Well, running or swimming. This is why training for the marathon saves me. It's cause I eat so damn much.

It's been a good Friday so far. And...holiday weekend, woooooooo!

memory

I'm impossible to forget,
but hard to remember.

breathe

Every once in a while I find myself not breathing. It just happened. I was putting photos of landscapes into a proposal and all of a sudden I just had to take the biggest breath ever because I suddenly realized I hadn't taken one for a bit. I wonder how long it was that I wasn't really breathing. I mean, I realize that it wasn't that long of a time...but still.

It feels so refreshing and sort of disapointing at the same time. Like a relief and a sadness. Odd.

Anyway. I'm back to breathing now.

cha-ching

Tomorrow I have a review with the job. This comes at a perfect time for me because I am increasingly questioning my role in my office - is it relevant, am I doing anything, where is this going, blah blah blah. Where should I go next. School. New industry. Craiglist. Monster. Career builder. Ahhhhhh! Oh my!

The main gist (for me) of this review is to find out what some of my goals should be, in the eyes of the boss. I was thinking, "well, what are my own goals" and in all honesty, I am having a hard time coming up with realistic ones. I suppose one goal would be to have our work on par with some of the landscape starchitects - I'm not naming names for googling purposes. But, that goal is countered because I really don't think that under my boss' leadership, the firm will be there. I feel like some of the other designers in our office have the potential to take it there - but that's years away, and we don't even have a succession plan!

argh. And then of course there is the salary issue. And then my personal issues relating to salary issues. I can basically make $20,000 - $25,000 more per year doing an equivalent job, both in and out of this industry.

WOW!

But, that's not realistic here where I work b/c we're smaller and etc. And I've invested myself in the office. And I feel as if maybe I'm not the best time utilizer sometimes so I don't necessarily need to ask for that big of a raise. And, I should note, I won't be asking for that large of a jump - but I would like to try to meet somewhere in the middle, or at least get some more vacation out of the deal.

Ugh. Well. I'll try to let you know how it goes tomorrow. I'm sure things will work out fine - I mean, that's the way life goes anyway right? No matter what happens, whatever happens next will be a change, and for me (at least in my perspective) change typically equals better things.

discombobulated

I. Can't. Concentrate. It's. Getting. Ridiculous.

I mean, what the fuck is going on with my brain? I literally can't stick to one thing for more than three minutes. I'm not getting any work done (granted, I made a list and there's almost nothing on it for me to do...but then again, maybe i'm just ignoring something really important?). Ugh. I hate days like this. Actually, this day seems to just be a continuation of last week. Last week had no focus, no real meaning. Today, at least after 7:20 am when I left W's place, also has no focus or meaning. All I've done is write hackneyed sentences for a project description, gone through the email, did my time sheet for last week (a total sham, by the way) and wrote that short list of things to do. And I've been here for 3 hours now.

Perhaps I *can* attribute some of this behavior to the fact that I've been thinking a lot about whether or not I want to change jobs. But then into what? Stay in this industry? Move to another? Go back to school? Ask for more vacation so I can take crazy days? Move to the east coast? Become a beach bum?

card

Update on the card: I put it in the office's mailbox thinking that the postlady would come get the mail around 4:30 like she DOES EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY, but TODAY, of all FUCKING DAYS, she came around NOON. NOON!!!!!!!!

Now, the card is stuck in the mailbox. I don't have a key to get it out. The card will mail on Monday, after Father's day.


UTTER FAILURE.

bulbous

I would like to record two victories today:

1. I changed the headlight on my car BY MYSELF. Yes. I looked it up in the manual, pulled the bulb out of the socket, detached it from its electrical source, plugged the new one back in, and it allllll works. Yes. High Five To Me!

2. I bought and then mailed a father's day card. Because Father's day is on Sunday. And I remembered the card. High Five To Me!

squeeze

Right before I go to bed, if I have not been wearing socks around the apartment, I take a quick look at my feet. I have painted concrete floors, and, try as I might, and now matter how hard I scrub, I can not keep these floors clean. Argh!

So, if I have not been wearing socks, the soles of my feet accumulate dirt, hair, tucker-stuff, etc. I make a point to wash my feet before getting into bed so I don't drag all that crap in with me. Of course, Tucker will drag some stuff with him, but at least he stays on top of the covers.

Anyway. After I wash my feet off, I have found that I squeeze them, as if to wring them out. This is silly! Feet can not be wrung out!

But each time, I do it anyway. Maybe I'm trying to remind myself that it's been awhile since I have had a good foot massage.

transitioning

It seems, suddenly, that I am in the process of transitioning someone out of my life. It has come up in a manner that I never expected or planned for. It feels spontaneous, uncontrollable, surprising, saddening, humiliating. In other words, I never would have guessed this would have ever happened. It literally came up into my periphery THAT FAST.

It's fucking annoying and aggravating. I feel so helpless.

I suppose, in the bigger picture, this *will* be a good thing. I also suppose that I have always hoped that something like this may have never had had to take place.

now!!!

grad school
job hunt
unpack last three boxes
laundry
finish knitting projects
give tucker a bath
organize digital images
re-upholster couch
dry cleaning
wash car
file paperwork
grocery shopping
clean fridge
running schedule preparation
VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pill

After 7 years and 3 months of taking the pill, I have decided to stop taking it. At least for now.

WOW, 7 years? I had no idea it had been that long.

My major decision point was that I was starting to get little brown patches on my face. Of course, it had to be on my face. And they were appearing on my upper lip! Of all the places - that's where they were. I had gone to the doctor a few months ago about it, and he said that it was the "mask of pregnancy" and said I was probably pregnant.

(Now, let me just say how much I can't stand doctor's. And this guy just about sealed the deal for me. I have never had a doctor I liked. Dentists yes. Doctors no. I am now convinced that every doctor out there is a complete ass-fuck. This guy especially.)

ANYway, when I told him I was assuredly NOT pregnant, he challenged me again, so I offered to (this is gross, but man, was I pissed) show him real-time evidence that I was not. He believed me then. So he prescribed me some skin bleaching creme. This has not done one bit of lightening.

So I finally did what I should have done then - instead of go to the doctor - I asked my mom. She immediately knew what I was talking about and said that I was lucky that the spots hadn't shown up sooner. She said that if I stopped the pill they should fade pretty quickly.

And that leaves me here today, three days with no pill in me, after 7 years and 3 months.

Guess I need to start taking my temperature every day. Luckily, I have my yearly already scheduled so she's going to get an earful from me about this - just asking so many questions, etc.

FUN TIMES.

sigh.

busy?

I feel like I've been both incredibly busy but not. Did some wonderful shopping at H&M this last weekend. Won a lottery to participate in the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco in October - woooo! A race to run for again. Planted a veggie garden.

OH! The veggie garden. I am so happy. I will try to post pics soon - I have taken several - so that should be good. I should also get them on flikr.

Hmmm - boys - eh. Dating no one, but still connected with C.

So...yay for plants and running? What else does a girl need, anyway?

sigh.

coffee

i seem to be buying more coffee lately. i should start researching coffee that i can make at home that i like and enjoy. get one of those "travel cups" so i can walk to work with it. keep half & half at home. and special sugars.

temporary

pain at the end of a race
a tan
hot coffee
a good hair day
thin mints
dusk
a tucker kiss
my interest in public relations
parties
concerts
a good shave
vacations
thrill of shopping
eating a slice of black forest cake
running shoes
no traffic
catching someone's eye
apartments
summer days during college
eyeshadow
the perfect swim stroke
flowers
anger
rainstorms
goat cheese
hot showers
cost of postage
george bush
goggles
3-month old babies
networking events
movies
hair dye
english muffins
strawberries
life